You Don’t Need To Hoard Toilet Paper

When a pandemic envelops the world, there are some shortages you expect. Hand sanitizer, for one (even though hand sanitizer doesn’t always kill coronavirus). Bleach products also make sense. What doesn’t make sense is the toilet paper.

I get it. Not having toilet paper can be a major inconvenience. In typical conditions, toilet paper isn’t something which I allow to run out. But the American toilet paper shortage is boggling my mind.

Here’s the situation: We have a potentially deadly novel virus running rampant throughout the entire continent. In an effort to reduce spread, we’re stocking up on the things we will need for the next month or two so as to avoid having to go out and get them. This becomes doubly-important as many stores will be closing for a month or two at a time and access to food will become scarce.

The people in the picture above, though, are not buying a month’s worth of toilet paper. For a month or two, two packages of toilet paper would be enough. They are buying a year’s worth.

Maybe they’re being extra cautious. Maybe they really, really don’t like it when they aren’t clean down there. But think about it: If we are in a position where six months goes by and you still don’t have access to toilet paper, you have bigger problems. For instance:

• All your other supplies, such as shampoo, conditioner, hand soap, bleach, and other cleaners have already ran out
• After eight months of total shutdown, you’ve probably lost access to electricity, heated water, and your refrigerator
• You ran out of food six months ago, and with stores shut down, you aren’t able to find any more
• You probably have to start hunting for food or finding bags of rice somewhere so you can continue to live despite the nutritional deficiencies

Do I think the pandemic is nearly so bad? No. We will have a couple of rough months, but there won’t be a total shutdown, and for most of us, life will continue.

Which is why you really, really don’t need to buy so much toilet paper. Either there will be more in three months, or we’re all fucked.

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